Normal Toddlers or Possessed by the Devil
Topic: Preventing Child Abuse

Now, I hope you know I'm kidding, but all too seriously, people have tortured very small children because they thought they were possessed.  Much more likely is that the parent is on some serious mind-altering drugs, has a mental disorder, or is just way too unrealistic as to what behavior to expect from small children.  Children with disorders such as ADD or ADHD can be particularly unnerving at times.  I'm sure there are many other disorders that can be trying for parents to deal with as well.  My daughter had ADD which is why I know about that.   Honestly, the children who have certain issues like that are not doing that on purpose.  They may need professional help, but certainly not an exorcist, and especially not torture.  There is no demon in them.  Most likely they have an issue processing information, social cues, and poor impulse control.  Think about what a toddler knows.  Yes, they do try to get your attention because they love you.  They are not trying to make you insane.  I don't know a mother of a toddler that doesn't have a "My child painted himself/herself with ______" story.  Fill in that blank with peanut butter, cooking oil, paint, butter, syrup, ketchup, whatever.  Toddlers will take those same things and fingerpaint with them.  It's sensory stimulation.  It feels good.  Do you honestly believe that a person who just learned to feed themselves and isn't even potty trained can possibly understand the work they just made for you or the cost of what they wasted or broke?  They have no clue, and punishment won't teach them that. 

At the toddler age, keeping a good eye on them and stopping them beforehand is the best.  Child-proof your house for anything that will upset you if it's broken or spilled.  Over time and with your help, love, and patience, your child will learn what is and is not appropriate to do.  It is your job to teach them.  Severe punishment and torture is only going to teach them that you're scary and mean.  They won't even remember what they did.  Toddlers have a very short term memory.

For your own sanity, try to become friends with other mothers.  Sharing stories is a good way to know you're not alone, and you may learn some tricks of the trade as well.

What defines child abuse?
Not everyone agrees on what constitutes child abuse.  Sometimes, people will react to their children, without thinking about how that affects their child.  They have no intent on abusing their children, but even things we say can harm our children.  I doubt there is anyone who hasn't said or done something in regards to their children that they are not proud of.  I would like to have people think about what they consider to be child abuse, and where the lines are drawn.  We will be polling later to see what the consensus is to see if we can agree on a line to draw for what levels of abuse. 

The Difference Between Children and Adults
Topic: Preventing Child Abuse

     Children are not just shorter and smaller adults.  Their brains are not fully developed.  That may sound very obvious, but how many times have we expected our children to "know better" and the truth was, they really didn't.  It is our job as parents to help our children's developing brains to learn the right way to do things.  We have to teach our children empathy, understanding, and responsibility.  It takes time for children to learn these things.  So remember, they are still learning.  They really aren't trying to make you crazy, at least not most of the time.

     Today, we'll discuss babies.  The biggest thing babies do to unnerve their parents is to cry and cry and cry.  Crying is the only way they have to communicate.  Crying can mean anything.  They cry when they are hungry; when they need to be burped; when they are wet or have a dirty diaper; and for any ache and pain; loneliness; fear; or maybe even boredom.

     When you have tried feeding, burping, walking, rocking, singing, the baby swing, your best impersonations and goofy faces, driving in the car, and you just can't think of one more thing to do and you are ready to lose your mind:

   1)  Make sure it isn't medical.  Your child may have a temperature, earache, etc.  Also, my child had nighttime colic every night.  Nutramagen formula cured it.  Sometimes babies need different formula.  If it is medical, it is important to get medical attention for your child.

Otherwise:

    2)  Make sure your child is safe in his/her crib or area, and then walk away.  Go into another room or even outside.  Don't go too far, though, in case your child needs you.  You will need to check every 10 minutes or so to make sure your child is still fine.    Take some time to calm down.  If you are getting angry by the screaming, go where you can't hear it until you are calm enough to deal with your child.   Walk around the house or play some music that will calm you.   

    Sometimes people are so worried about doing the right things that they wait until they snap.  Take time for yourself so you can be a sane parent for your child.  You will likely be a better parent if you sleep, eat, and take some time to relax each day, even if it's only a short period of time.   When you are with your child and start to feel angry, it is better to walk away for a few minutes than it is to take your anger out on your child.

To, For, and About Regular Parents
Topic: Preventing Child Abuse

SCAN is a newly developing organization with the purpose of keeping children safe from abuse.  We are not here to punish or judge parents for disciplining their children.  We will not be debating whether or not spanking is appropriate.  We are focusing on areas of abuse.  Our organization plans to tackle legislative changes to increase the safety of our children, many of which include harsher punishments for harming children.  

In this blog, we will focus on prevention.  There are obviously so many crimes against children that are too heinous to even understand how that could possibly happen.  This blog, however, will focus on the larger population of parents who are just regular parents who may not know how to handle certain situations or have the support they need. 

I'm sure we've all heard of cases of abuse from a parent everyone thought was a good parent.  Some things we hear are from lack of knowledge, or the person just "lost it."

The purpose of this blog is to discuss many common situations in parenting and what choices there are for people in those situations to handle them in a way that keeps their sanity and their children safe from abuse.

If you have any situations you would like us to address, feel free to comment, and we will most likely address that concern as quickly as we can.  If you read a post and can think of another positive way to handle the situation, that would be very appreciated.  The more options people have of handling a situation, the better it is for everyone.